As I sit here sleeplessly, I am reminded of how lucky I am.
Two days ago I was briefly wallowing in self-pity (after Audition #2: 2012 – post to follow), but, luckily I have an amazing wife who is able to lift me up when I am being unreasonable. Not to mention the unshakeable support of a mother and father who have always been there even when I was not there for them. I feel much better today, on the day of my birth, not quite as resolved as I want to be, but on my way to be more determined than ever.
I am not sure if self-doubt and insecurity is especially abundant in actors, but I know I often feel doubt, even with 11 years of “success” in this business.
Which tells me more about myself than anything else, and is now prompting me to change how I see my reality in 2012.
More so than ever I need to learn to appreciate the gift of the present moment. If not now, when? I have been putting off meditation practice for years, but now believe, especially with the influx of technology which takes my time away (and I let it), I need to make a bit more time to find stillness.
I am lucky. I am fine. I am getting better. But, I am perfect the way that I am now. Perfect in the universal sense, of course. I am far from complete as an artist and will never stop yearning for more craft, but I am “good enough, smart enough, tall enough, and, darn it, people like me.”
If this post resonates with you at all, I hope it reminds you that it is all about the journey, not the destination. And, I hope that I hope you are as blessed with the same company as I.